One step at a time…
I’ve been spending some time reflecting on the past 18 months. Reminding myself of how far I have come, from that exhausted, overwhelmed mom. Who lived for nap time and bedtime, and was up an average of 5 times a night with her babies. I remember drinking 4-5 coffees to get through my day, not eating anything until noon, and then when I had the opportunity to sit down and eat, I always chose sleep. So instead of feeding my body something nutritious I would eat a granola bar as fast as possible so that I could nap. But as emotional as I get thinking about that time, thinking about how much easier it could have been if I knew then what I know now, I am so grateful for that struggle. There is some guilt and shame around admitting that having a baby wasn’t this magical moment for me. That although I loved my baby with all of my heart, I was not prepared for what it would do to my lifestyle, body and self-confidence. And many people would never know that looking at Facebook, or seeing me out at playgroups or the park with my boys. Even my husband doesn’t seem to realize what I was going through.
So what snapped me out of that dark place? How have I become the open, positive, encouraging person that I am today?
AWKNOWLEDGE- I acknowledged my reality. I realized that it was me who needed to change, and not my circumstances. I also acknowledged that I needed help. Help with my nutrition, and help with my mentality and moods.
AWARENESS- I became more aware of what my thoughts were, and slowly began replacing them with more positive thoughts. Some mornings I would wake up to one of my kids crying at 4am and my first thought of the day would be “F I hate being a mom” I know that is harsh, but it is true. I became aware of my bitterness, resentment and frustrations and started working through them.
ACTION- I took action. I reached out to a friend who had started a nutritional cleansing system, and took a chance on it. It was an investment, especially since I was on maternity leave. But I was at a point where I knew I wasn’t taking care of my health, and I needed something that was convenient and nutrient dense. Within a few days, I started feeling like myself again, and the role of being a mother to two young kids wasn’t as overwhelming. It was worth every penny, and a year and a half later I am still using and loving the system. I started finding joy in my day and focusing on that. I began drinking more water and less coffee. I started a squat challenge. My struggle was that I always have had an all or nothing personality, so I had to actively celebrate my little victories and not sabotage them. Thoughts like “well you could have done more than 30 squats, or that isn’t enough to change anything” would constantly haunt me, but I literally told myself to stuff it! Something is better than nothing!!!
I also saw a counsellor through my employee assistance program, which helped me work out some of the difficulties I was having.
SELF COMPASSION- I started to forgive myself, to be kind to myself, and to pour love into myself. I forgave myself for all the hard days and moments. I forgave myself for not being able to do it all. I started using positive affirmations about myself and my life. It is impossible for us to pour out kindness, compassion, and patience onto our children if our cup is empty.
PRAYER- I began to pray for love, for strength, for courage, for patience, and gentleness. I began to thank God for all the amazing things in my life. I began to focus more on God’s love, and less on getting my sense of worth from the people around me or how much I accomplished. I am so grateful that I had my faith to turn to during this time. Because Jesus didn’t come so that we could have a religion, he came so that we could have a relationship with him, and learn to love like he does. There is so much peace in coming to a place of surrender. When we realize that we are worthy of love for simply being, and not based on what we are doing or how much we accomplish.
And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. -1 John 4:16
My hope is that someone else will read this who is going through a similar situation. That someone else will relate and be encouraged to reach out and ask for help, and start taking baby steps towards happiness. Because it is not normal to be exhausted, overwhelmed and disappointed in ourselves or our life. But there is a better way, and it takes practice and a willingness to put ourselves first. But it is so worth it!
Please don’t hesitate to reach out to me, I proudly share my nutritional system and openly discuss my struggles🌟
#striving4health #strengthinweakness #bethechange #noshame #lovelife #youareworthit #yourfamilyisworthit #investinyourself #gratitude #prayer #meditate #loveyourself